Thursday 7 January 2010

An arrest warrant has been issued for a Leicester man accused of having sex with a horse and a donkey after he failed to turn up to court.
There’s something particularly British about our fascination with bestiality. Being Welsh, I am regularly and somewhat disconcertingly cheerfully accused of consorting with sheep. I accept the charge with good grace, although in my own defence I have to state that there were no lambs involved, and all the rams were consenting adults.
Paradoxically though, it seems to be generally the English who get charged with these offences. There was a case of horse abuse not so long ago where the accused was caught on cctv carefully placing a bucket behind the object of his affections for him to stand on during the act of congress.
Talking of inbred behaviour, I am fascinated and horrified in equal measure by Stephen Baldwin’s manic religious rants on Celebrity Big Brother.
He has already shocked his fellow housemates by telling them a rather odd story about how, if his daughter was held hostage by someone with a gun to her head who asked her to say ‘Jesus does not exist!’ then he would rather she says ‘Jesus definitely exists!’ which assumes that he would rather his daughter die than say something she probably does not mean under duress.
Now he states that he does not believe in evolution because, ‘if man had evolved from apes then why are apes still here?’
One begins to wonder what sort of education Mr Baldwin and his fellow Americans receive over there. However, no one jumped up to argue with him, or to point out, as most people of my age who had a proper education will know, that apes and humans are descended from a common ancestor and evolved simultaneously.
I suspect that the Bible is the first and last book he will ever read. There seems to be a heavy emphasis on the Old Testament. The other housemates are beginning to look glassy-eyed and one or two are glancing furtively at the meat-knives.