Saturday 13 November 2010

Having weighed myself last week and discovered, to my horror, that I am carrying the equivalent of a litter of shetland ponies around with me, I have embarked on a diet.
I'm trying to come to terms with soup, something with which I do not become regularly involved. Oxtail is very nice however, and I've come to like Red Pepper with Goat's Cheese, although the Chunky Vegetable is far too much like watery minestrone for my liking. I've never liked minestrone much at the best of times, its only saving grace being that at least it had the decency to appear with some pasta in it. Now, it appears in disguise, with no pasta, trying to pass itself off as a vegetable medley. Get thee gone, Chunky Vegetable! I have seen through you to the bottom of the bowl, quite literally.

Friday 12 November 2010

Van Gogh painted a twisted church, so I thought I might like to photograph one. Why, you may ask, would a committed atheist want to go about photographing churches? Well, despite the curious and deluded ideas behind their construction they are in the main quite beautiful creations. I'm often struck by the paradox that many artists (and indeed composers) have produced religious work of outstanding quality. Than again, many creative people, including myself, are a bit bonkers. There was a lot of money in it too, back in the day. Many a painter made his reputation and a few bob by knocking up the odd crucifixion scene, or an instructional mural. They were like graphic novels for those in the congregation (nearly all of them) who could not read.

Thursday 11 November 2010

Through my window I can see the weather vane of the local church which, being the godless soul that I am, I have never attended. Nevertheless, the spire and the golden cockerel which spins in the wind are a comforting sight. Sometimes, when the weather is more inclement, the outline of the construction can adopt a more sinister appearance.

Wednesday 10 November 2010

Taking photographs of TV offers great opportunities for experimentation. I must confess that some post production was employed in Photoshop to doodle in certain areas. However, I think I like the air of mystery which is created by this.

Tuesday 9 November 2010

I had a dream in which Damien Hirst and I were taking long exposure photographs of Janice Battersby from Coronation Street. Sadly, I don't know Damien Hirst, and I'm sure this is a project that neither he nor Janice Batterbsy will ever be interested in, and even if they were, they'd probably go ahead and do it without me.

Monday 8 November 2010

Today's photo is an infrared view of Brompton Cemetery. Unusually for me I have chosen to keep it in colour as the otherworldliness of it is highlighted much better.
The diet, despite my trepidations, isn't too bad. I've signed up on t'internet to a company that sends me all my food for a month, divided into breakfasts, lunches, snacks and dinners. The first day has gone ok. My butterbean and carrot soup was surprisingly edible, and the Paella - which featured tuna strangely - was quite filling once I'd added a couple of roasted peppers. (I'm allowed additional vegetable accompaniments within reason).

Sunday 7 November 2010

It's often worthwhile photographing the doodles one composes during a meeting while one's colleagues are discussing the merits of 'going forward' and 'making a difference.' Such work can often offer an insight into one's state of mind and possibly highlight deep-rooted anxieties.
I'd be grateful for suggestions.
As I embark on a diet tomorrow in an attempt to combat the state of my fat liver, I thought it best to weigh myself in order that a chart of progress could be set up.
Oh, the horror! I'm on the obesity cusp, which, now I think about it, is a good name for a fat rock band, Obesity Cusp, or else for a portly Victorian jewel thieif and international spy.

Saturday 6 November 2010

There are five thousand stories in The Bush of Shepherds, and this is one of them. (The picture is another story altogether.) Last week, I found a black Nokia phone on the tube, and since then have been attempting to reunite phone with owner. Unfortunately, the owner of the phone doesn't speak very good English, and so I have been negotiating the terms of return with various of his friends.
Someone rang me last Saturday and I told him I would be free all day Sunday to meet up and hand the phone over. No one rang. Then I had a call Friday morning, and gave someone else my address so that they come and pick it up. It took about twenty minutes to spell out the name of the street, and consequently I suspect no one wrote anything down as no one turned up.
Today, however, I was coming out of the second hand CD shop in Shepherds Bush when my phone rang again.
'It's about this phone, Mr Rob,' the man said. 'We are not sure how far away you are.'
'Where are you now?' I asked.
'Shepherds Bush,' he said.
'So am I,' I said. 'I'll meet you outside Morrisons in five minutes. I'm wearing headphones and a green parkah.'
I'm not sure why I handed out the physical description. There was no one else but me waiting outside Morrisons. In retrospect I regret giving him the short notice as a few minutes later a rather breathless pair of Turkish men staggered round the corner and waved at me.
They were effusively thankful, which was nice. I was a little disappointed that no one suggested sexual favours by way of a reward, but c'est la vie.
The next time I find a phone on the train however, I'm handing it in to someone official and letting them deal with it.

Friday 5 November

This is my street. Even without the long infrared exposure it's a bit of a surreal area in itself, tucked away between Housing Estates and within two minutes walk of an Underground Station that no one has ever heard of.
Christie, West London's best known serial killer, lived just around the corner and frequented what was my local pub. I was barred once, for two days, for impuning the honour of the landlord's wife. Sadly, it was turned into a hideous theme bar in the Eighties, with decor so garish that no one dared enter. It was closed within weeks and then demolished. I think there might be a community centre there now. I've never thought of change as being a particularly good thing. In this case I am right.

Thursday 4 November 2010

I think it might be interesting to post a photograph a day for the next month or so. I'm a surrealist at heart and firmly believe that surreal situations occur everywhere, but that only certain people can see them and make them visible to others.
Whilst on the South Bank this summer I turned a corner and was confronted by this gentleman, in the act of assembling some form of costume. The lady emerged from around the corner just as I raised the camera, and adds somehow to the strangeness of the scene.

Wednesday 3 November 2010

My experimental photography has taken a strange turn, as you can see. There's very little photoshop involvement, apart from a black and white conversion and some dodging and burning. It's all old-fashioned smoke and mirrors. Hopefully, I can post some more when I've developed the technique a bit further.

Monday 16 November 2009

Currently, I am interested in the potential for surrealist expression with digital cameras. Certainly it has become far easier to create photographic deceptions (for want of a better word) lately and I have already created some composite images which, at first glance at least, would pass as a single shot photograph.
These days, without the time-intensive practice of developing film and subsequently the full darkroom process, one can view one’s images in-camera and, in tandem with Photoshop or one of the many other photographic software packages available, manipulate the image endlessly with a high degree of sophistication.
My previous experience of photosurrealism was, back in the days of SLRs and real film, the random effects of double exposures. This was, for me anyway, achieved by making a mark on the film when it is first loaded in the camera which matches to a corresponding mark in the camera body. Pictures are taken at half the estimated normal exposure. When the film is used up, one rewinds the film, but not completely. If you did rewind it completely, I devised a method of retrieving the end by sticking a piece of double sided tape on a card and poking it into the film cartridge.
The sellotape latches on to the surface of the film and, with some patience, the end can be drawn out.
Then one reloads the same film in the camera, matching up the marks so that the exposed frames match up to the overlaid exposed images and again are taken at half the usual exposure.
The results are variable but often very interesting, especially if you mix for instance, portraits with landscapes or close-ups of still life with a mass of vegetation.
Later I did some photoshop collage illustrations for the magazine The Third Alternative, most of which had a surrealist edge.
Now, I’m finding that the very act of subverting reality by mixing things up unobtrusively, rather than obviously, is interesting me greatly. I have photographed people in the street, used photographs of people I’ve met on the internet and combined them to produce an image which could have been shot as regular image, but is a situation which has never happened.
In one of these, I attached a friend’s head to the body of a man I shot in Shepherds Bush, and placed this chimera on the platform of my local tube station.
It looks realistic enough, but what I like is that there is something ‘not quite right’ about these pictures, something which disturbs the mind.

Sunday 13 September 2009

Glamour (n.) see GLIMMER

I took a trip to Southall with the camera to try and capture some of the wildlife. I had intended to meet up with my mate Amin, but it seemed he was determined not to answer his phone.
On the way back I stopped off at the giant Morrisons in Acton.
Some years ago I started collecting the names of shops with tacky names, which were for reasons unknown to man, mostly hairdressers. ‘Charles’N’Dye’ springs to mind.
Outside Morrisons is an Acton based florist called Act On Impulse. Sheer genius, I was thinking, while waiting for the 207 to take me home.
A woman in front of me was talking to a group of her friends very loudly.
‘I don’t think I’m a racist. People have told me I’m not a racist, but I have to say, they come over here, and then they start popping babies out, right, left and centre.’
The bus arrived at that moment, so I was not able to determine exactly which community she was so eloquently describing.

Sunday 6 September 2009

I went out to Whitechapel this morning to take some photographs. On my way out of the house, I espied a giant moth sitting, minding his own business, on the ledge where we normally place the household post.
I whipped out my camera with its spanking new macro lens and got in close.
I have to say that I have now captured my first macro insect picture. The moth has come out with quite a lot of creepy hairy detail.
I have been asked to read my work aloud, in public, at the Arts Centre in Swindon. next stop, Carnegie Hall.

Thursday 27 August 2009

I was on Jessops doorstep at 9am, and dealt with this time by a nice young man with floppy Jesus hair.
He handed me my lens and sorted me out with an additional UV filter. I resisted the urge to bring up the 9.45am issue again and left.
Heading for the tube, I suddenly realised that the day before I had walked straight past New Scotland Yard, with its big whirling silver triangle of Law. How could I have missed that?
I am very pleased with the new lens. It does exactly what it says on the tin. I can now take close-up photographs of moths as well as normal photographs of more or less everything else. Fab!

Wednesday 26 August 2009

Last night I ordered a new macro lens for my camera to be picked up from a branch of Jessops. Apparently, it would be ready after 9.45 if I collected it from Jessops in Victoria. They promised to send me a text when the lens was there.
It seemed a bit odd to that they should give a time and then send a text.
However, I needed to pick up a new cash card from the Abbey anyway, so I arranged to go into work late, and set off to the Bush of Shepherds.
For arcane reasons known only to the Gnomes of Santander, Abbey National do not open till 10.00 am on Wednesdays. I sighed and sang the weary sigh of the consumer, whilst nursing a cappuccino in the Bush of Shepherds Coffee and Muffin emporium.
Having queued, identified myself and collected my card I set off for Victoria. By the time I arrived it was 11.05 and no text message.
Jessops in Victoria is located in Strutton Ground, an odd Diagon Alley type place just off Victoria Street, which has market stalls, cafes, bookshops and a fish and chip shop called The Laughing Halibut.
The nice Jessops lady had not received my lens.
‘I’d ring back about 1pm,’ she said, and looked blankly at me when I pointed out the 9.45 am timeslot on the e-mail I had been sent.
I decided to set off for work, manfully resisting the sirens of Greggs, who were waving Cornish pasties at me in a tempty fashion.
The text came through about 2.30, but by then I couldn’t be arsed.

Friday 14 August 2009

Photography has become my passion of late, particularly in tandem with Photoshop, which allows me to manipulate my images to a frightening and somewhat deceitful degree.
My favourite subjects are either random people in the great outdoors, or still life. I’ve begun photographing the contents of my coffee table a little obsessively, but this, in its own way is a form of diary since it sets a context. The original photographs showed packets of menthol cigarettes and an overflowing ashtray, while in the more recent ones, although my Gorilla Kingdom coffee mug is ubiquitous, the smoking paraphernalia is conspicuous by its absence.

Thursday 30 July 2009

My favourite purchase over the last year (if one can have such a thing as a favourite purchase) was my Olympus E420 Digital SLR camera. Recently, I have been out and about quite a lot, trying to look like a proper paparazzi. Back in the day I used an Olympus OM2 with proper film, which was marvellous, but hampered by the fact that one had to either have one’s own darkroom, or wait a statutory two weeks for the chemist to have them developed.
These days, digital technology having moved on, I can put all my new photos straight into Photoshop and create instant blackmail pictures, or seamlessly weld my head onto Vin Diesel’s body.
I haven’t done either as yet, as my Photoshop skills are still maturing, but the time will come.

Sunday 26 July 2009

I took my camera out today and spent a happy couple of hours photographing the natives of Shepherds Bush. Actually, I suspect that most of them were pilgrims to Westfield, since these days one spots a preponderance of stylish bags in and around Shepherds Bush station.
It’s very like photographing wildlife. I’ve found that if I stand inside one of the stations (tube or rail) like Bill Oddie in a BBC hide, I can photograph people through the windows without them threatening to break my legs and throw my twitching body onto the A40.