I have been very remiss in recording the details of my recent adventures and debauchery, although it has to be said that the debauchery of late has been in very short supply. Since the 10 February I have had a cold which, of the last two weeks, has lingered in the nostrils and caused me to sneeze at inappropriate times.
I also lost my phone last week, so to those of you who have my mobile number, I would urge you to text me, letting me know who you are, in order that I can re-phonebook you and maintain intermittent textual contact.
I went to my boss’s leaving party the night I lost my phone. My mate Bradley, an Australian with a penchant for extreme behaviour, wanted to cut holes in my t-shirt so that my nipples would show.
‘No,’ I told him. ‘I wish to retain an air of mystery.’