We had one of those Lou Reed perfect days today, well almost perfect. last year I bought the Ugly One a voucher to become a Keeper for a Day at London Zoo, and today was the day he booked.
I took the day off so that I could go along later and watch him being mauled by vicious gibbons. Within an hour of his leaving he rang me to tell me he was lost, and I had to give him directions via a very unhelpful Google map.
On my way out, someone pulled the emergency alarm on the Tube, so i was stuck at Ladbroke Grove for what seemed like half an hour but was, in all probability, just a few minutes.
After that, I got lost and had to fall upon the kindness of Regents Park strangers to tell me where the zoo was.
‘I’ll see you with the ring-tailed lemurs at 2’ the Ugly One texted me.
I think the man at the London Zoo ticket office gave me a pitying look because I was the one person going into the zoo on my own. He did not however, reduce the entry price of £17.00. Blimey. I could buy half a meercat for that.
After a seemingly fruitless search for lemurs (which the map assured me were in zone C2) I finally found them in zone D2, just in time to see the UO emerge into the cage with a proper keeper and bucket of fruit.
The rest of the day went without a hitch, and the UO got to muck out some African pigs, feed the giraffes, meercats, lemurs, llamas and a grouchy looking lion, after which we had a stroll round the reptile house, said hello the gorillas, bought some souvenir mugs and came home.
The screaming monster Rebecca was evicted, as I predicted, and we toasted the common sense of the British public with Chinese food and two bottles of wine.
If Lou Reed’s reading this, he ought to write another song.
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