Sunday 27 July 2008

I’m trying to paint a portrait of my friend Duilia, which is proving problematic. She’s looking very blue right now.
With a heavy heart we muted the TV sound and turned (briefly) to Big Brother’s Little Brother to see if the Gormless Shoe Tree that is Zezi Ifore has been sacked yet. Sadly no. She popped up with her face and lip gloss pressed right into the camera, presumably just in case we hadn’t noticed she was there.
Channel Four have not yet responded to my Freedom of Information request. I imagine they’ll delay it for the full twenty days, hoping that by then Zezi will have rooted in the viewers’ psyche like a permed verucha.
Oh the heat! The blasted heat! My paints were drying before I could get the brush to the canvas. I’ve been catching up sporadically with ‘Days of Our Lives’ which is turning a little mystical since both Hope and Bo Brady are having strange white flashes when they look at Baby Isaac. Baby Isaac (bear with me) is Hope’s baby, but not Bo’s. It was switched at birth in the hospital by evil Stefano Dimera, and was taken home by Lexy and Abe Carver (Lexy is Stefano’s evil daughter. Abe is the oldest and stupidest policeman in the world). No one knows who the father is, since Hope was once brainwashed by a computer chip into believing she was Princess Gina (of a small European country the size of a large Asda) and while tarting about in her tiara, stealing jewels across Europe, she had more shags than a cormorant sanctuary.
John Black’s eyebrows are as mobile and independent as ever and I suspect that they are planning to take over John’s new business venture ‘Basic Black’.