I went on a pilgrimage to Westbourne Grove on a hunt for Kaffir limes. I’ve been searching for them for some time, and have been unsuccessful, but a colleague recommended a Thai supermarket here. They did indeed have Kaffir limes, which I bought, along with some coriander and dried shrimps. I passed on the instant jellyfish (to which one just adds water to reconstitute what I am sure is a delightful repast). I also saw a bottle of ‘SQUID’ (in very large letters) Fish Sauce, along with a big picture of a happy squid on the label.
‘Oooh!’ I thought, ‘Squid fish sauce!’ and picked up the bottle, only to discover the ingredients to be anchovies and a smattering of additional spices and preservatives.
The Ugly One made a consummate curry and we settle down to watch Dynasty in which Joan Collins returned as the wonderful Alexis in a hat large enough to have carried the rest of her wardrobe back from Madagascar, or wherever she has been staying.
She arrived just in time to testify against Blake and confirm his violent urges, as when he attacked Alexis’ lover when he caught them in bed together.
Alexis claims she is an artist. She brought Stephen a portrait of himself when he was seven; a ghastly multi-coloured thing which lacks only a tear rolling down the boy’s cheek. Stephen gazed at it in horror, desperately trying to hide his shock. Being a gay man he knows what is good art and what isn’t.