Thursday 6 August

I found this scan of a hand-painted photograph I did some years ago. As far as I recall I was commissioned to do three of them, one for each twin and one for the mother, and they were all different.
I wish I could find the photos of the other two. Maybe someone will recognise them and let me know where they are now.
On my way home on the Tube the other evening, I noticed that someone had stuck a large poster over the sign that reads ‘This is a priority seat for old persons and gay atheists’ replacing it with, in very large letters ‘Remember Jesus!’. Someone, however, and not me on this occasion, had subsequently added the words ‘To F**k’ between ‘Remember’ and ‘Jesus’.
To add to the surreal nature of the week, people, from wildly different parts of the world, have found my blog by typing in ‘Simon Callow uncircumcised’ and ‘Peter Andre uncircumcised’
and ‘Everybody took a turn to suck it through the spout’.
I have to stress that these three phrases are completely unrelated as far as I am aware.
I wish Peter Andre would get his over moisturised mug off my TV screen, though. I was hoping that the separation would shut them up, but no such luck.
‘Read about my tragic tale, only in The News of The World, Heat, OK, Hello and Bunty.’
Actually, Peter. I don’t care. I’m frantically searching my pockets for that rat’s arse I’d like to give, but I can’t find it. It’s not there.
The cynical part of me, (which is about 87%) is half convinced that they haven’t split up at all, since they’ve been in the press more now than they were when they were together, and after all, their profession is…. being in the press, so why is anyone surprised?
Give it a year and there will be a tearful reunion with Katie, young Creosote and Princess Tiramisu in an exclusive Hello event, and a new TV series.