Monday 5 May 2008

a hot lamb pattie
and a fish finger sandwich.
‘lost’ was on tv

The ‘Flood’ continued. Robert Carlyle – for no good reason – jumped off the Thames Barrier with his ex-wife and ended up in a pit, which rapidly filled with water, then crawled into a tunnel which led to Charing Cross Underground Station. It should be noted that Charing Cross Underground Station is a) underground, and b) very near the river. One would have thought that the last thing anyone would want to do would be to sit on a bench on platform 2 chatting about how their lives had gone wrong, but sit and chat they do.
Unsurprisingly, someone says ‘listen!’ and the sound of lots of rushing water begins to grow.
Either that or it was the sound of thousands of listeners either switching off or shouting ‘Get up the stairs, you mad t**ts!’.
In these sort of disasters it is also usual for someone to sacrifice himself for the good of humanity, and, as it happens, Sir Tom Courtenay steps up to the plate, wondering no doubt if his acting career has been washed away with the Vauxhall branch of McDonalds.
Someone will have to manually open the Thames barrier to allow the water to drain away – and they can only do it if they are locked in.... Mmmmm! OK, we’ll accept that, but the other option is for the army to just blow the barrier out of the water. Professor Morrison chooses to die and save the Thames barrier for the world, despite the fact that in the last episode he’d said that the barrier was in the wrong place anyway and needs to be knocked down and rebuilt upstream.
ITV must have paid these people an awful lot of money.
If that wasn’t bad enough, the musical score was the most irritating soundtrack in the world, alternating between a repetitive – and seemingly endless – dramatic string section riff which would have put even Philip Glass into a coma, and what seemed like the first few bars of ‘Pie Jesu’, again repeated endlessly during the sad emotional bits.
Nigel Planer, having spent four hours with his trademark gloomy face staring at a laptop screen, went out and quietly killed himself.
I suspect he’d been watching ‘Flood’ on ITV.