Saturday 10 May 2008

while i was asleep
it rained and people rang me.
the world carried on.

Having got very drunk last night, I did not get into work as I had planned to do. Instead I spent a quiet day at home with the Nintendy playing Solitaire.
‘Britain’s Got Talent’ is an overly optimistic title for the show in which the deluded and desperate compete for a chance to perform in front of Prince Charles in the Royal Variety Show.
‘It would be such an honour,’ most of them say, bafflingly. Additionally Simon Cowell, who last year was an expert on what the Queen would like to see, has now become just as adept at knowing the tastes of Prince Charles.
A nondescript gentleman walked on with a violin bow and a saw and proceeded to play it quite professionally.
‘Do you really think that is what Prince Charles wants to see?’ The Cowell spat acidly.
‘Yes!’ replied Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden who also obviously feel that they are in mental communion with the Prince of Wales.
‘You couldn’t be more wrong!’ said The Cowell, with a flounce.
What The Cowell fails to realise is that this sort of act is what Variety Shows are all about. The clue is in the title, Cowell. Variety, traditionally, is a celebration of the odd, the grotesque, the strange and the comical and should not be judged by someone who rates every act by how much money it can bring to him personally.
This week auditions went to Glasgow where the audience – as is traditional for a Glasgow venue I am told – were more vicious than the Cowell himself. A group of Scottish Country dancers were booed off by an almost entirely Scottish audience.
Ant and Dec, the genial Geordie duo who provide the commentary and comic relief, have had their haloes tarnished a little this week, through no fault of their own it has to be said. When ITV hosted the comedy awards, the production team contacted Robbie Williams and asked him if he would like to present an award. Robbie agreed, on condition that he presented an award to Ant and Dec.
It appears that the viewers’ vote for favourite show was actually won by Katherine Tate, but ITV changed the result to show that Ant & Dec won, simply to ensure Robbie Williams’ presence on the show.
Ant & Dec have now agreed to hand the award back. I hope they get a group of their Newky mates to get the producer of the Comedy Awards behind a shed somewhere and give him a good kicking.