Friday 20 June 2008

i could go to north greenwich
to look at the dome,
then i’ll sigh, wonder why
and go home.

I saw Douglas Hurd in Hammersmith Tube this morning. What celebrity omen will this portend?
And of course, today everyone is talking about Alexandra from Big Brother who was taken out of the house due to her repeated intimidatory behaviour, which of course she did not see as being intimidatory at all.
Is she mad, or merely a sociopath? It is clear that she has severe emotional problems and has great trouble dealing with anyone who does not agree with her rather narrow view of the world, as well as which she pronounces muslim with three syllables, which none of the real muslims who I know do.
She also had an argument with Mohammed, who wanted to have a cross-dressing party, and insisted, rather curiously, that Mus-a-lim men did not do this, and ‘we are drinking and smoking, which is bad enough, but this is going too far.’
It’s an odd set of values. Allah, it seems, may turn a blind eye to the drinking and smoking, but wearing a bra may send you to Hell.
From what I’ve learned, it seems that the alcohol prohibition is not one of the more seriously enforced Muslim laws, and as tobacco was presumably not extant in the Middle East when the Koran was written it seems difficult to imagine how a smoking ban could have been incorporated. I am not aware of any specific part of the Koran which forbids the wearing of women’s clothes for fancy dress purposes as I am not an expert, although I do seem to know more about it than Alex does.
Anyway, this pure moral Mus-a-lim woman the next day, having found herself up for eviction, seemed quite happy to launch into a rant about how ‘personal offence is never forgotten’ and that she has gangster friends who are going to get to know everyone’s friends and family. It was very disturbing viewing as, for me, it was quite clear that Alex was threatening to have her ‘gangster friends’ deal with the people who nominated her. Whether or not Alex has any friends at all, whether they be gangsters or fellow croydon-facelift hairstyle fetishists, is a moot point. I suspect she hasn’t.
Before this programme I made the mistake of tuning into Big Brother’s Little Brother just to check if the ghastly Zezi Ifore had been sacked yet. Alas no! There she was, baring her unfeasibly large teeth and bouncing around in a yellow and black number looking like a bee hunting for a place to die.
Ok, there’s several things wrong with Zezi (not including the unfeasibly large teeth and the bee outfit):-
1. A presenter should, wherever possible, present in as professional a manner as possible. It isn’t right to shout ‘Yeah!’ at inappropriate times or dance like an infant at ballet school behind someone else who is co-presenting.
2. When interviewing, it usually isn’t the case that the interviewer says more (mostly about herself) than the interviewee does.
3. A presenter should not interrupt or talk over people.
4. A presenter should really have better teeth. I know I wasn’t going to mention the teeth, but the Gormless Shoe Tree insists on pushing her gob right into the camera and it looks like we’re entering some kind of mouth-based Moria.

Get Zezi Out! Get Zezi Out! Get Zezi Out!