Thursday, 24 April 2008

Wednesday 23 April 2008

forced to wear a shirt
like a shackle. freedom
eroded by buttons.

On the Apprentice this week the teams had to invent new flavours of ice-cream and sell to new clients. Lucinda, who is one of those women who looks as if she has a dreamcatcher in her bedroom window and communes with animal spirits, was in charge of one team while evil Claire (who last week was so gobby that Sir Sid James could take no more of her voice and banished her from the room) was in charge of the other.
Claire’s team – despite sloppy planning and general apathy – somehow managed to win. Lucinda surprised everyone by showing unexpected management skills and taking off her tartan beret.
Nevertheless, someone had to go. This week it was Lindy. Put in charge of sales she failed stop Jennifer (she’s the irish one who looks spookily like Michelle from Corrie) from handing out exclusivity on ice cream sales to all and sundry.
Afterwards, back at the house Jennifer announced to the dinner table ‘Sir Alan said I was cold!’
A deathly hush fell over the dining room as tumbleweeds rambled lazily along the table past the cruets.
I felt an opportunity was missed by not making ice-creams in the shape of Raef Bjayou’s hair. I’m sure ice-cream loving top tottys would have snapped them up.

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