Wednesday 9 April 2008

he’s a strange man but
no stranger than the stranger
who shouts ‘dad’ at me

On my way home this evening, the touts were outside Brixton station selling tickets.
‘Tickets for Black Crows! Tickets For Black Crows!’
‘That sounds,’ shouted one tout to another in the loud voice they employ, presumably even at home, ‘like you’re saying ‘Tickets for Macros!’’
At this point, the tout turned to me and said ‘Would you like a ticket for Macros, sir? They have some lovely televisions.’
I smiled, and moved swiftly on.
Meanwhile, ‘The Apprentice’ continues with all the bleak inevitability of a lemming in a suit driving toward Dover. This week the teams were given the task of providing a themed food day in a London Pub.
The girls eventually got their act together and set up a Bollywood evening in an Islington bar, complete with curry, saried waitresses and a male dancer.
The boys, on the other hand, were totally disorganised in their Hampstead bar where they planned an evening of ‘A Taste of Italy’. Head Chef Kevin (who still looks spookily like Dafydd, the only Gay in the village) surprised even the advisory chef (provided by Sir Sid James to prevent his candidates poisoning innocent bystanders) by insisting that coffee was a dessert.
The Project Manager was Ian, a blue-eyed tousle-haired suit, who so far has gone unnoticed. He went unnoticed last night too, since his entire team seemed to regard his presence as non-existent.
Sir Sid was not impressed by their antics, since they failed to do any costings before pricing the food and served up bland bolognese and half-pizzas, having run out of toppings. Ian tried to blame Dafydd the OGITV, and the cute soldier, Simon.
‘It’s a disgrace!’ said Sir Sid, staring at Ian from his evil swivelly chair. ‘You’re Fired!’
This week, there was very little seen of Raef Bjayou, the posh man’s Nogbad The Bad, although we did get a shot of his strange meringue-like hair as the boys discussed their Italian theme.