Ode to Coronation Street

when I am old and leaking out of
mouth and back and front
I’ll have my gender reassigned
my plumbing plugged and redesigned
I’ll join ‘the street’, be feared, revered
like betty turpin or blanche hunt

‘now listen,lady!’ I will say
‘this haslet’s not been sliced today.
it’s crusted, I say crusted, chook!’
at which I’ll aim a fearful look.
one of elsie tanner’s faces
could kill a man at fifty paces